Process 4: Contact
I had to get in contact with the Centre to inform them of what’s going on for me and present the possible scenarios I’d come up with for moving forward. I emailed the woman from admissions as she is aware of the situation. I made it clear that I did not want to stop attending the course but would if non-attendance at the weekend sessions would be detrimental to the learning process.
All of those together, having spoken to friends and family, were enough to hold me and keep me from feeling lost in addition to vulnerable and grieving. It was enough to keep me from feeling too anxious. I watched a bit of television and fell asleep.
Somewhere in the middle of the night I awoke and looked at my phone it was 1:11am. I am not sure of the significance in this instance but it is noteworthy. It then got me back to thinking about the situation. This was early hours of Sunday morning which would have been day two of the weekend session. I couldn’t help but play this situation in my head all over again. This time it took on a new dimension in that I was thinking that returning later that morning was not a good idea for me and I needed to let the facilitator know that I wouldn’t be attending. In my thought process, I felt like I should speak directly to him and let him know how I am feeling in the most succinct way possible but ensuring he understood why I felt like I wouldn’t be able to be a productive member of the group.